Good day everyone! I just want to share what had happened to me because I feel like you really need to know about it.
For the past few days I wasn’t in myself. I haven’t talk to God like the way I used to. Yes, I’m serving Him and His church but honestly, I can’t feel Him sometimes that I also doubted. I have asked why things are happening and why me? I have also sinned just right before I went to church. I was so lost.
I was feeling so down and low that anytime I will completely breakdown.
This happened last Sunday night. Something triggered me that causes me to overthink things and doubt myself. My trust issues are hitting me. I’m like ” I’m so good at solving things and thinking things out. Why can’t I fix this? Why is it that when it comes to this problem I can’t do anything about it? That every plan that I make is not working? Why is it that when it’s about this, I can’t make time for it, that all I do was stare and let it be because nothing’s ever worked? Why? ”
” Am I not someone worth talking to? Did I do something wrong? Did they hate me? If they don’t like me then they could just be honest with me and say it. I am so done with this feeling”
I was so low that time untill The Portraitist (my friend and former classmate) send me a message. We get to talk things out and I never said that I needed help. I told him that I feel so untrustworthy, unwanted and worthless. But he message Rain, my bestie, to talk to me. I never thought that he would talk to Rain for me to get helped. I know this because I got a message from Rain but I have read it the next day.
I was so shocked to get a message and that morning everything is popping out from my notifications. I was crying while reading Rain’s message. I am so blessed to have them as my friends.
Then I opened another notification which is from the Holy Bible app which has this daily Bible verses. It was 1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
It was the same thought of what Rain had said. I was freaking out because God has talked to me. He keeps me reminded that He loves me and that He is always there for me.
But on the next day I check all the dailu verses and 1Peter 5:7 wasn’t there. Believe it or not.
I looked for it but it was really not there. Maybe it was a malfunction of the app or someone used my phone because I never put password on it. I don’t know. All I know is that God has talked to me. He used my friends to keep me reminded and then that verse. It was so amazing.
He even let me join the swimming. Which is written on my last post. You all know that me being on the water makes me so happy and I get to think straight. It was like a perfect day for me to go back at Him.
When I got home I scrolled down my phone and saw a memory from my post on the same exact day last year. It was this:
The feeling is exploding out of my chest. I didn’t prayed for Him to talk to me or to help me.
All this time, the reason why I can’t feel him is that I’m ignoring Him and shutting my doors but He reached out on me. Not just once but thrice. Everything came back to me.
I was touched by Him. No, not just touch, not just being held on tight but I was hugged. He hugged me so tight that All of the doubt, the anger, the negative things that I was feeling was gone. I feel so loved. He kept me reminded that the right path is with Him. That I was lost but He lead me back and welcome me. I feel Him so close to me and I don’t ever wanna let go. There’s no words to describe what I’m feeling right now. I’m really happy and delighted. I worship Him again and I’m still crying my happy tears.
I told my friends that I love them because I’m so blessed to have them around. That they didn’t let me go. The Portraitist didn’t know I was blogging but I really don’t care now. I’m so thankful that he helped me. And of course My besties Rain and Jirah who is always there for me.
Now I’m perfectly fine. The problems in my world just hit me but I’m much tougher now and wiser. I can conquer them now that I know that God is with me. That He never let go of me and I am His. I will never be lost now that I’m with Him.
I have so much more to say but I can’t put it in words. It was the best feeling of all. I will draw closer to Him and let my life be lived for Him.
A child of God,